Sometimes I lose sight of why I started blogging in the first place. It wasn’t because I wanted free stuff. It wasn’t because I wanted to be famous. It was because I have these thoughts and feelings and life mottos that I wanted to share with the world. Thinking back to the first blog I ever had, I wrote because I wanted to get a handle on my thoughts. It was like writing to a pen-pal that I knew didn’t actually exist, but it was nice to get everything out of my head and into a physical, or rather digital, form.
Somewhere between 2009 and 2015, I became consumed with the lives all these bigger bloggers. Thousands of readers and followers, invites to exclusive events, free perks from companies who want you to write about their products. It’s like being a celebrity with all the perks and you are your own paparazzi.
I’ll let you know what prompted this post though. A few weeks ago, I met a prominent local blogger at a party (who will now be referred to as Z) with other bloggers much bigger than I am. Z came into the circle of conversation, and in the introductions, I shook Z’s hand, and said that I was familiar with their social media content. I received half a handshake, and no eye contact as Z gave a weak laugh and looked away to someone they recognized as being “in the scene,” as I interpreted it. This is fine. I don’t mind. I’m just there to have fun and make friends. My ego isn’t bruised if someone doesn’t give me the time of day.
Flash forward to the next week, I’m working at my retail job and Z walks in. I give a big friendly, “Hey!”, and it’s clear Z doesn’t recognize me. Again, that’s fine. Even though I shook your hand, that’s fine. However, what spurned me is that Z did not say a single word during the transaction. No answer to “How are you?” Just flashed the credit card and snatched the bag of goods and left.
I don’t think it’s just a “I’m a big deal” thing, but it should be common decency to treat the people behind the check out as a human.
I don’t know where I was going with this. I never would have batted an eye at any of these things individually, but being brushed off by the same person in the span of a week, that stings a little. But I’m sure Z is a very nice person, and I just don’t make a very big impression. I’m working on accepting the fact that it’s ok not to be noticed, and trying to reconcile the thought of, maybe I don’t want to be noticed. I just want to live my life in a way that makes me happy, and use my energy in ways that make other people feel happy. Going back to my roots of writing for the sake of writing. Sharing my thoughts with the digital world that might have a person or two out there listening. Not for free things and invites to events where people try so hard to make you like them so that you’ll advertise their product, but to surround myself with good people and good vibes.
Of course, I’ll find a relevant Nicki Minaj quote.
Let me make this clear, I’m not difficult, I’m just ’bout my business. I’m not into fake industry parties and fake agendas. Rock with people for how they make me feel, not what they give me.
I’d be lying if I said that the free stuff isn’t nice. That the feeling of inclusivity with the exclusive clubs makes you feel important and like you really are somebody. But I don’t want to always be chasing the glamour and events for the sake of the glamour and events. I want to do it for the experiences of trying something new and for meeting new people that can possibly add love and laughter into my life.
If I can live my life with purpose and positively impact just one person, then I can be happy. I want to leave impressions of positivity on others, like pressed-leaf impressions in a textbook.